Services Rendered and Pricing Index

Would you like me to help take those wretched words out of your hands and just take care of it for you already? How delightfully serendipitous; so would I. We have a lot in common, you and me. Look at us, like old pals.

I’m sure you’re asking yourself just how much all this would cost. I’m sure you’re asking yourself, is it really this easy? I just give him money and he writes exactly what I need, and that’s that? No blood oath, no firstborn? No pact under a gibbous moon, precisely at 2:34 in the morning?

Well buckle up, because I’m about to blow your mind, future business partner.

I, The Great Abider, am here for you. That’s how this works. That’s the beauty of it. I live to write, and I live to please. And if you so please, let me write for you.

“We Want the Money, Lebowski”

 

I know, I know. It always comes down to money. My eyes are rolling, too. But you want writing done, and I want sourdough bread. So here’s what you need to know

(payment available through Venmo at venmo.co/u/thegreatabider)

Tutoring - $30/hr

Online tutoring either through webcam, phone chat, or text chat. Customized lesson plans available

WA State Certification, Secondary Education, CWU

Full Composition - $25/ pg; $.50c/ word

I will literally write anything. Articles, essays, lesson plans, corporate documents, poems, stories.. your wish is my command

If you can dream it, I’m the one you want to write it. Pricing depends on labor involved and complexity of task

Editing Light - $15/ 5 pgs

I go through with the proverbial red pen and show you all the ways you went wrong (kindly, of course)

 

Editing Heavy - $30/ 5 pgs

The no-limits, all-in Full Monty. Grin and bear it. Together, we will entirely revise your content, from grammar and word choice to syntax, argumentation, and complex literary elements (400 level)

Custom Poem - $40

Been sleeping on the couch lately? Provide me with 5-6 details about your significant other and watch them fall back into your arms breathing sighs and tender kisses. Better dust off that Barry White, buddy

 

Correspondence Aid - Negotiable

Do you hate emailing people? Hell, me too. But you can pay me to do it and I’ll take the pain away like a fine Pinot Noir

Image Detail - $10/ image

I summon the Ghost of Hemingway, using maximum brevity to provide ultimate punch to your pictures and optimize your graphic design

 

Image Editing - $10

I edited all of these pictures, so I might as well edit yours, too. And if not, well, that's just like, your opinion, man.

No funny stuff, Jackie

 

My dream is to write, and yours is to avoid it. With that in mind, I guarantee my work will meet or drastically exceed your wildest expectations. Satisfaction is guaranteed, or I’ll eat my pens